I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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