It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
