yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
