im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
