I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Randomize
