I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
