I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
