you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
