dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
too bad you live with your parents still
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
