problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
