It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
