She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
