How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
