Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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