This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
