She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
