I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
