Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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