Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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