I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
