I wish I could teleport
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
