Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
