Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
