its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
