omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
