Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
