Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
