i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
