Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize