I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
