I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
