I'm really into asian looking animals
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's not a walk of shame if you run
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
