Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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