bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
