Where is the hickey?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Oh god it's open bar.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
