I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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