my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
