then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
