Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
