In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
