I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
