i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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