Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
