Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
