pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
