ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
