I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
