My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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