Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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