he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
